So You Want a Threesome: Why a Sex Doll Makes a Hell of a Third

Every Guy's Fantasy Has a Logistics Problem

The threesome fantasy is easy. The third person is where things get complicated. Her best friend? Terrible plan. Her sister? She's still going to be at Thanksgiving. Even when everybody is enthusiastically on board, adding another person to your bed means adding another personality, another set of expectations, and another relationship to whatever happens next.

That's where a realistic sex doll gets interesting. She gives couples another female body to bring into the fantasy without necessarily bringing another person into the relationship.

And forget the blow-up doll from your uncle's bachelor party—the one who smelled like a pool float and looked alarmed to be there. High-end silicone sex dolls are a different species. They have no odor, their skin picks up body heat much like human skin, and their articulated skeletons let them stand, sit, kneel, and actually stay where you put them. And their faces are so ridiculously realistic that your lady may end up asking the doll who does her eyebrows.

And that's where the fantasy gets considerably more interesting. A doll this realistic isn't just convincing from across the room. She's hot. You're going to want to touch her. Your lady may want to touch her. And watching your partner get turned on by another gorgeous female body in your bed may turn out to be an entirely new fantasy you didn't know you had.

A doll isn't the same as another woman—and that's precisely the point. You can explore the threesome fantasy without turning it into a threesome relationship.

Select Her Together

Finding the perfect third in real life is a tall order. You're looking for a gorgeous, threesome-friendly bisexual woman who appeals to both of you, is attracted to both of you, and thinks spending Saturday night in your bedroom sounds like an excellent idea. There's a reason they call her a unicorn.

And let's say you both spot the gorgeous creature of your dreams, and she's just down the bar. What now? Somebody has to go talk to her. Is it you? Your lady? Both of you? You can't exactly stroll over and open with, “Hi, we were wondering if you'd like to come home with us.”

And maybe she's flattered. Maybe she's horrified. Or maybe she says yes—which leaves you with an entirely different list of questions involving STI status, boundaries, expectations, whether she'll still be texting one of you six months from now, and whether giving a near-stranger your home address was really your finest decision.

One important rule: do not make the doll a surprise. A life-size sex doll is not lingerie, and nothing kills the mood quite like announcing that a 90-pound naked brunette will be arriving by freight on Tuesday.

Besides, selecting her together is half the fun. Sit down, start looking and see who catches both of your attention. Blonde or brunette? Curvy or athletic? Sweet face or spectacular resting bitch face? You may discover your lady has a type you knew absolutely nothing about.

Now Let's Talk About the Choreography

What kind of sex positions work with your real-life—and manmade—dolls? First off, don't skip the foreplay. That doesn't work with your lady, and it sure as hell won't work here.

The fun starts well before anybody gets naked. Dress her together. Give her a name. Decide whether tonight she's the gorgeous stranger you brought home from the bar, your lady's new girlfriend, the woman you've both been secretly flirting with—or simply the hottest houseguest you've ever had.

Start by asking your partner to kiss your new friend—or whether she'd rather watch you do the kissing. Finding out who's taking the lead can tell you a lot about where this fantasy is headed.

If she wants to initiate, she can slowly undress the doll, play with her breasts, tweak her nipples, run a finger over her pussy, and keep a filthy running commentary going about exactly what she's doing and how good it feels. Or switch roles and let your lady watch while she directs the action.

Either way, you've just turned a sex doll sitting on the bed into someone you're both having sex with. And that's where the possibilities get seriously hot.

The 69 + One

Love the classic 69? You're going to love this even more. Put the doll on her back and your lady face-down above her, straddling the doll's face. Your partner can lick the doll's pussy if she wants to while getting some very pleasant friction of her own as she rubs her clit against the doll's mouth.

And where does that put you? Right behind her, baby. Hold your partner's hips, enjoy the view and penetrate her while she plays with your new friend.

Double Dip

What guy hasn't dreamed about having two tight pussies side by side? Start with the doll on the bottom and your lady on top, facing her in a missionary position.

Where are you? Kneeling behind them, alternating between the two—AKA double dipping. AKA your filthiest teenage fantasy suddenly sitting in your bedroom.

The Tabu Centipede

If you own a sex doll, there's a 99% chance she's sporting a set of tits that would make the average anime chick feel inadequate. Put them to work.

Lay the doll on her back and settle in between her breasts for a titty fuck while your lady gets behind you wearing a strap-on harness. It's basically what you imagine the cast of Cirque du Soleil gets up to on a Tuesday night.

Maybe Unicorns Do Exist

A real threesome can be incredible. It can also come with nerves, jealousy, awkwardness and the small complication that your fantasy has opinions, feelings and your phone number.

A sex doll gives you a different proposition. She's the gorgeous woman you both picked, she's always up for whatever fantasy you've cooked up, and nobody has to wonder what any of it means in the morning.

So maybe the mythical third you've been looking for does exist after all. Turns out she comes in a very large box.