Willy Warmer

WHO APPROVED A CROCHETED DICK SOCK?
What kind of smooth-brained chucklefuck finds this funny? Oh, right — you.

Behold the Willy Warmer Crochet Peter Heater — proof that humanity has gone too far, and also not nearly far enough. It’s bright red. It’s handmade. It’s a tiny sweater for his junk. This is where we are as a species.

Need a gift for a boyfriend, husband, roommate, coworker, or Boss who absolutely deserves to unwrap a yarn-wrapped shame tube on Christmas morning? Congratulations. You’ve found it. Enjoy your dick sock, Senator.

Soft crochet yarn keeps his “festive bits” snug while broadcasting to the entire room that both the giver and receiver have terrible judgment and zero regrets. Your grandma didn’t knit this — but honestly, she should have.

How To Use It

Tell him you got him something “warm and cozy for winter” and try not to laugh.

Have him slide the opening over his package and adjust until everything is sitting in its little rainbow hammock.

Step back, admire your poor life choices, and take exactly one photo for the group chat (consensually, obviously).

Ideal for white elephant parties, office gift exchanges that HR shouldn’t hear about, and humiliating your friends in the most loving way possible.

Key Features

Ridiculously cozy crochet “peter heater” in a bright rainbow design

Perfect gag gift for boyfriends, husbands, roommates, coworkers, and aspiring public officials

Great for Christmas, Howlidays, Secret Santa, and chaotic stocking stuffers

One size fits most reasonably average manhoods (this is yarn, not a promise)

Lightweight, stretchy, and designed strictly for laughs — not actual arctic survival

Island Dogs Gifts: Unleash the Fun. Shopping for the perfect gift is RUFF — especially when the recipient is a walking red flag. Island Dogs specializes in inappropriate (yet weirdly useful) gifts that hit exactly where it hurts… emotionally. From adult stocking stuffers to wildly questionable party favors, they exist to deliver laughs, gasps, and “oh my god you didn’t” moments for birthdays, holidays, and every glorious train wreck in between.