Wood Rocket

LET'S COLOR SOME PORN. It's cheaper than therapy. Forget flowers and mandalas. This activity book is packed with naked people making terrible decisions in spectacular detail. Every page is...

WRITE LIKE YOU'VE GIVEN UP. Finally, office supplies that tell the truth. The Demotivational Pens 5-Pack delivers five brutally honest reminders for anyone who's survived an office meeting that...

BITCH, YOU LOOK HUNGRY. Bet you can't eat just one. Introducing Eat A Bag Of Dicks — a 4-inch vinyl declaration of hostility, sarcasm, and emotional honesty. Big enough to get noticed on a...

ON YOUR KNEES. PICK A COLOR.Let’s see what kind of freak you are. This is the Fetishes Are Fun Adult Coloring Book. It is not here to nurture you. It is not here to inspire you. It is here to...

Bring the Heat, Daddy A fan with premium fatherly authority. Some people ask politely. DADDY gives instructions. This Wood Rocket DADDY Fan is made for the center of attention – the one who...

Catch This Breeze… and This Message A fan for when subtlety has left the chat. There are many ways to express your feelings. This one is fast, efficient, and delightfully disrespectful. The...

It’s Called Self-Care. Look It Up. Because mindfulness is cheaper when it comes with filth. If your therapist says you need a new hobby, we’d like to gently suggest coloring...

Are Your Gifts Getting a Bad Wrap? Wrapping is a scam.    There’s something about ribbons and wrapping paper that screams “holiday cheer.” Just kidding. Wrapping gifts is...

READ MY NAME TAG. No small talk. No pleasantries. Message received.   Having a full-on “fuck off” kind of day? Zero chill. Zero patience. Meet the Fuck Off Enamel Pin from Wood...

Welcome to Genital Hospital. Please take a seat. Your treatment is extremely inappropriate.   Got a painful erection that just won’t quit? Tragic. Concerning. Fortunately, medical science...

Dice, Dice, Baby Who needs imagination? Welcome to the Sexy A.F. Adult Couple’s Dice: a game so lazy even your browser history judges it. Seriously—two dice, a handful of dirty...

Girl-On-Girl Chaos, Now in Dice Form Roll first, figure it out later Do lesbians like basic sex games? Absolutely. The Gay A.F. Lesbian Dice are about as groundbreaking as a flannel shirt —and...