The Most & Least Fabulous Parts Of The Swinging Lifestyle
As exciting and awesome the rewards of swinging can be, it's not for everyone. Here are the Pros and Cons of choosing non-monogamy.
We have now been participating in the swinging lifestyle for about nine months, and what a roller coaster it has been!
Some of our experiences have been the most sexy and exhilarating times of our lives. Other experiences have left us confused, frustrated, or simply surprised.
First, we will outline our absolute favorite parts of the lifestyle, and the reasons we revel at the chance to continue exploring as swingers.
The best parts:
Meeting New People
Because of the lifestyle, we’ve had the opportunity to connect with people from all walks of life, from all over the country (and even internationally!)
We’ve been able to pick photographers’ brains about online marketing projects, ask application developers about their newest projects, and speak to media producers about trends in movies and television.
We’ve also met people who we view as lifelong friends, people who understand us as a couple in a way that our vanilla friends couldn’t quite grasp. This has all been thanks to meeting couples and singles with the intentions of potentially swinging.
The human interactions that can be gained from participating in the lifestyle can be both rewarding and enriching. It’s a fantastic way to meet like-minded friends that you know won’t judge your sexual proclivities.
The Intensified Connection With Your Partner
If you and your partner are a good fit for the lifestyle (and are doing it for the right reasons), you’ll likely find that sexual interactions with others bring you as a couple even closer together.
From our perspective, there are two major reasons for this: First, you are communicating more about fun and sexy things, focusing energy as a couple toward things that bring you both joy.
Second, you’re instilling an extreme amount of trust in one another. You are trusting your partner to be open and honest with you, to respect your boundaries, and to always keep your best interest at heart.
That giving and receiving of trust, at least from our experience, builds a certain bond between swinging couples that few other things will.
The Heightened Sexual Attraction to Your Partner
Let’s face it, life gets messy! Between work, kids, household duties, and any of the other 1,000 adult responsibilities, it’s easy to lose the spark in a long-term relationship.
You find yourselves talking about anything but sex, so when it comes time to have sex, you can have trouble seeing your partner as a sexual being. However, observing another person’s sexual desire for your partner has a way of reminding you how sexy he or she can be in your eyes.
For me (Brenna), the idea of another woman desiring Brian turns me on like crazy, because it makes me appreciate his sexuality in ways that most vanilla couples will never understand.
Swinging gives us so many opportunities to focus on each other as sexual beings, rather than as roommates or sharers of responsibility.
Plus, as an added bonus, we are able to use our sexual encounters with others to fuel our own sex lives for days or even weeks following an interaction.
We re-live these experiences together, talking about what we enjoyed most, as a form of real-life erotica. Trust us, it’s hot!
Learning New Things About Your Own Sexuality
Swinging has opened both of our eyes to what turns us on most. For example, I (Brenna) always knew that I was attracted to women, but I had never acted on that desire before we started swinging.
Now, going down on a lovely lady is one of my very favorite things to do. Not only does it make me feel incredibly sexy, but it’s the perfect way to put on a steamy show for my man.
Brian has had his own sexual revelations, discovering through the swinging lifestyle that he loves hotwife scenarios, in which he “shares” me with other men.
Swinging opens so many doors for sexual exploration. Threesomes, foursomes, orgies, swapping, voyeurism, exhibitionism: The world becomes your sexual oyster once you start swinging!
The Less-Than-Ideal Parts:
The has become a running joke in the lifestyle. “Better set 3 dates for Saturday night, because at least 2 of them will cancel on you.”
Dealing with flakes can be quite frustrating. Not only do we feel bummed, but it can also be a huge time and money waster (especially for out-of-town dates).
Picture it: You set aside a rare Saturday night without the kids or other engagements. You get all dressed up, ensure that your hair and makeup are perfect, set a dinner reservation, only to get a text 20 minutes before you expect to leave the house saying that your swinger dates need to back out.
We will say, there are many ways to spot flaky swingers (email us for more info on this). But if you are in the lifestyle for any amount of time, we almost guarantee you will be flaked on at some point.
The sad reality is that many (likely, most) swingers must hide their sexual interests from co-workers, friends, and family. We’ve heard horror stories of swingers losing their jobs, or worse, their loved ones, because the wrong person found out about their lifestyle.
What results is a highly secretive nature of most swingers: They won’t post their faces on their online profiles, they whisper about the lifestyle when meeting new friends in public, and many won’t even play in their own hometowns!
We hope and believe that societal views of swingers are starting to improve, but the day we are able to openly talk about our lifestyle without worry of repercussions is still in the very distant future.
Expenses The Outrageous
Consider the costs associated with just a basic swinger “date”: Babysitter fees, Uber rides, dinner, and drinks. Then, consider that most swingers will at some point attend larger lifestyle events, adding in costs like grooming, costumes for theme parties, event charges, hotel rooms, and possibly even airfare!
In order to actively participate in the lifestyle, some level of discretionary income is a must. The expansive costs swinging can be quite surprising to newbies, as many associate swinging with just having sex. Although it is possible to budget and participate in a frugal way, it’s far from easy!
Overall, we are passionate about this lifestyle, because it has brought an immense amount of positivity and excitement to our lives. For us, the positives will always outweigh the negatives.
About the Authors: Brenna and Brian are the hosts of the sexy and informative Front Porch Swingers Podcast. If you have further questions on the swinging lifestyle or any of the issues presented here, check out their website at http://frontporchswingers.com
"We are an ethically nonmonogamous couple very much in love and completely committed to one another. .”
- Brenna & Brian