What's long, hard, and waiting for you? The GLOBAL RECESSION, and we sure wish it would use some lube. If you've noticed vibrator prices seem a little extravagant these days, it's because sex toy companies will slap a high price tag on just about any product in order to give it a "luxury" label. In THIS economy?!! Hot take: Feeling good is not a luxury – it's a necessity that shouldn’t cost you a small fortune. That’s why we’ve rounded up the Top 10 Under $20 Sex Toys that perform really well — and in most instances - will make you scream just as loudly as the expensive brands.
Without further adieu, here's 10 fun ways you can f**k inflation, LITERALLY.
Nexus Enduro + Thick Stretchy Silicone Cock Ring
Cock Rings are so cheap and effective we wonder why they aren't including one with every 6-pack of beer...you know...like a Grown Man's Happy Meal. That said, there are a lot to choose from. In particular, we like Nexus's Enduro Ring for its thick design and impressive stretch. Not only does it make you feel bigger and harder, it can even help delay ejaculation by compressing the area surrounding the base of the penis and testicles. Ring it up!
Screamin' Demon Mini Bullet Vibe
Wouldst thou like the taste of butter? Here's something even better. Once this Screamin' Demon's horns wrap your clit in their wicked embrace you'll howl like a woman possessed. Like most products from Screaming O, this toy packs power into a small package with 3 soul-snatching speeds and a pulse function to 7th seal the deal. As they say, you're not really coming until it looks like a demon is being exorcised from your body.
Lux Fetish Sex Sling
Paging Control Freaks: Do you like to treat your partner like a sex doll in bed? Micromanaging your favorite sex positions is easy and fun using the Lux Fetish Support Sling. With more control and leverage, you can use it to switch from Doggie-style, to Cowgirl, to Missionary like a real Kama Sutra Cowboy. Your "partner" will get the ride of their life, and with the included blindfold, they'll never know what's coming next! (Probably YOU, Selfish Bastard.)
Pretty Love 30 Function Rabbit Vibe
In the wild world of sex toys, the phrase "you get what you pay for" is usually true, unless you're using this 30 Function Rabbit Vibe. This bunny works hard for the money - (so hard for it, Honey) - with two motors that offer an endless variety of vibration combinations. And, while most cheap sex toys contain more chemicals than a BP Oil Spill, this bunny gives you a healthier bang for your buck using skin-safe silicone.
Sex & Mischief Chained Nipple Clamps
Like a bit of the rough stuff? These Sex & Mischief Chained Nipple Clamps will help you out in a pinch. Designed for 50 Shades Of Tit-Play, the clamps feature adjustable pressure and soft coated tips for a sensation that's more "bark" than "bite." Perfect for Bondage Beginners, they're a great way to take a dip in the shallow end of the BDSM pool, but when you're ready to feel some pain, just pull that silver chain! OUCH?
Bliss Vibrating Bullet
When it comes to sex toys, there’s the Now & Thens and the Every Nighters. With its strong, steady vibrations, this Bliss Bullet is a tried-and-true "Every Night Vibe." Bliss’s focused stimulation feels amazing just about anywhere: From the cooter, to the hooters, right down to the tooter. (That's Kinky Boomer Speak for Vagina/Nipples/Anus.) You can even use Bliss to amplify oral sex by inserting it vaginally while your partner gives you some tongue time.
Wet Dreams Handy Stroker
In this day and age a man has to have choices, a man has to have a little bit of variety. Now, we're not saying you have to break up with your hand - we know how attached you are - but wouldn't it be nice to add a third partner to the mix? Here's a safer bet: This Wet Dreams Stroker is down to clown with no strings attached. Tight, soft, and completely open to alternative sexual arrangements, this open-ended sleeve always delivers. You won't even have to call an Uber when you're done.
10 Inch XXL Massager
The XXL Massager has been around since the days of horse-drawn vehicles, and it's probably still the same price. Sure, it looks like an outdated Dino-vibe, but it's kind of a BIG deal around here! Tough and mechanically-simple, they sure don't make em' like they used to. Perfect for those times when you need a powerful deep-tissue "massage" - (of what? your kidneys?) - this heavy-duty Motorbone is just 2 inches shy of a footlong, making it one of the best priced-per-inch vibrators around.
"Get Lucky" Jelly Love Dildo
Let's try some guided imagery. We want you to close your eyes and imagine the perfect penis. (If you’re a Spirit Airlines Pilot, please land the plane first.) What does your dream dick look like? If it looks big (but not too big), thick (but not too thick), and hard (but not too hard), it might look like this "Get Lucky" Jelly Love Dildo. "But it's not attached to Jason Momoa, and it's very purple", you say. True! But, this dick is available, and it comes with a suction-cup for hands-free fun. Best of all, its dirt cheap. Lucky, indeed!
Bing Bang Anal beads
Bing Bang Diggy Dong, feels so good you’ll sing a song.
Comfy with a soft design, stick it where the sun don’t shine.
When your butt is feeling lonely, even if you’re "Exit Only",
Whether you’re a girl or boy, Bing Bang fills you up with joy!
(This poem is about anal beads.)
~ The End ~
"What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing."
- Oscar Wilde